Boys. And Spring Break.

I have not posted in a while. I apologize. Time seems to have escaped me and, when I did have a free moment, I have chosen to spend it elsewhere.

What is happening? Well, I am finally home for Spring Break and all is right with the world once more. Life is meant to be shared and lived with a family, and I am so grateful to be with mine once again. I feel like I am actually catching up on my sleep and enjoying my days once more, instead of falling asleep and waking again with a To Do list running through my mind. Oh, don't be too surprised. There is a To Do list accompanying me on this vacation, but it is a small-ish, manageable one. I'll work through it a little at a time.

Interesting news: a boy is talking to me. I am more than certain he will never read this, so I'm going to go ahead and talk about it. He is in two of my classes, and he friend requested me last week. Being the rather clueless person I am (truly), I did not recognize his name or picture and, of course, didn't accept... until he sent me a facebook message yesterday, asking me how things were going, and I suddenly realized who he was and accepted the request. A bit of snooping on his FB revealed some promising things: he is a Christian and is actively involved in his church, he wears a True Love Waits ring, we have similar movie interests.
We have chatted a little in class, but most of it has been my doing, since he seemed sort of quiet and absorbed in his own buddies. I've actively tried to strike up conversation with the few people who have back-to-back classes together and it seems to have worked.

But as usual, I'm hitting some roadblocks.
1. Though he has actively pursued conversation with me for two days straight - literally all day, both days - it has all been electronic so far. No actual phone calls or even real conversation in person, just FB and texting.
2. He has not asked me out, yet, despite some obvious flirting. (I realize he is probably waiting to do this in person... hopefully). Still, there has been no hint of "let's get coffee sometime" or "oh, yes, we should go see that movie!" or "hey, want to walk with me to the next hall and we can talk as we go?"
3. I am not feeling excited like I usually do when a new boy catches my eye. I suppose it is because we're not face to face, but I also seem to be struggling with an inherent expectation of disappointment. I've had too many boys act like they're interested, only to find out that they weren't thinking that way at all. It makes me feel used. I've been the pseudo-girlfriend quite a bit and it makes me just disbelieve boys who actually flirt with me. Sure, you're talking to me now, but it's only because you're bored and it's nice to have a best girl-friend around until you meet someone you actually like. Thanks.
4. I cannot flirt. Too much of it relies on sarcasm, which I don't understand because I typically believe what people tell me. Mostly, I'm just sweet and sincere. Most of you (if anyone is reading this) will insist that sweet and sincere is a good thing. However, it does not seem to attract boys. Well, that's not exactly true. It attracts sweet and sincere boys who are usually too nerdy, too awkward, or too strange for my tastes. (By this logic, one might easily deduce that I am probably too nerdy, too awkward, or too strange for the kinds of boys I am attracted to. Thus, my problem).
5. I've not really been attracted to, or involved with a boy since Dustin and I broke up. It's a silly thing to worry about, but I do not know, yet, how that previous relationship will affect my next one. I know that there were certain things about me that really bothered Dustin and I was aware of this. I worked hard to keep certain aspects of my personality in check because of it. It made me afraid of some situations and gave me expectations of how a boy responds to certain things about me. I am worried that these things that I learned in that relationship will damage or hinder the next. While I want to move on (obviously), I am also not looking forward to facing, and dealing with, those fears and habits.

I suppose we'll see what happens! Of course, it's all so incredibly early to be even worrying about this stuff, but I am a daydreamer through and through, and I like to think ahead. Brain dumping is what this blog is for! Tata for now!

Listing

I am exhausted, but slowly recovering. This weekend, besides being Valentine's Day and including all of the celebrations of love, was a stressful one. I have begun to come to terms with the homework load and have actually made progress (mostly due to a new approach to my classes this semester). Melanie and I went home Friday and spent the evening watching the Olympic Opening Ceremony as a family. We had a wonderful time sitting in front of our big screen and discussing the science behind such a fantastic production. Saturday was homework day, but Saturday evening was Life by Chocolate - a chocolate buffet and comedy show organized by our church. It featured a huge buffet table covered in in mostly-homemade chocolate desserts! We stuffed ourselves. Sunday featured two wonderful services on marriage (Pastor Danny online, Pastor Tom in person) and a wonderful lunch at home. We exchanged some gifts and Melanie and I came back to Nashville. We saw Valentine's Day, the movie, that evening. It was cute and happy and fun!

On the Menu this week:
Sweet potato with bell peppers and mushrooms
Fruit pizza
Bagels with cream cheese and fruit
Pasta with spinach and mozzarella

It's going to be yummy!

On the schedule:
Setting up meetings with various homeschool leaders for a class project.
Reading.
Watch the Olympics as much as possible.
Reading.
Finish Ethics Bowl cases and begin to memorize.
Read.

How Christian Were the Founding Fathers?

I will comment on this article later, but for now, feel free to read and enjoy. It's a discussion on the Texan school system and the strong Christian emphasis that has been a part of the Texas educational system for a long while. It also talks about the strong influence that Texas has on the textbook industry.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/14/magazine/14texbooks-t.html?em

Motivation Meter: -1

I like to feel busy, feel productive. It absolutely drives me crazy when there is a task to be done and it's not getting done. I love to finish things. In Psychology 1200 last semester, we took lots of personality profile quizzes and at least two of them said that I am the one that "gets the work done" or "the packhorse" that can handle a large load and finish the job. However, sometimes, my more human, lazy side surfaces. Yesterday, despite a great need to work, and plow through projects, I just. didn't. want. to. I tried! Boy, did I try! But the motivation was not there. Eventually, I sort of gave up and sat down to read. That helped some.
Today I feel a lot more motivated, but there is less that needs doing.
In other news, the new fish (Valentino is his name) is doing very well. He and Purl have become buds and they swim back and forth together and eat/spit up bubbles a lot. Typical fish behavior.
Today I am going to make a vegan vegetable tart/pizza with squash, zucchini, tomatoes, onions, basil. Seriously excited!

Lovin' Eldridge this Morning!

God Pursuing Us
What is God like? Is his heart good? We know he is the initiator from first to last. As Simon Tugwell reminds, God is the one pursuing us:

So long as we imagine that it is we who have to lookfor God, we must often lose heart. But it is the other way about; He is looking for us. And so we can afford to recognize that very often we are not looking for God; far from it, we are in full flight from him, in high rebellion against him. And He knows that and has taken it into account. He has followed us into our own darkness; there where we thought finally to escape him, we run straight into his arms. So we do not have to erect a false piety for ourselves, to give us the hope of salvation. Our hope is in his determina tion to save us, and he will not give in. (Prayer)

When we feel that life is finally up to us, it becomes suffocating. When we are the main character, the world is so small there’s barely room to move. It frees our souls to have something going on before us that involves us, had us in mind, yet doesn’t depend on us or culminate in us, but invites us up into something larger. And what about the Romance and the Arrows? It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Once upon a time we lived in a garden; we lived in the place for which we were made. There were no Arrows, only beauty. Our relationships weren’t tainted with fear, guardedness, manipulation, quid pro quo. Our work was rewarding; we received more than we gave. There is beauty, and we so long for it to last; we were made for the Garden. But now there is affliction also, and that is because we live East of Eden. The Arrows seem like the truest part of life, but they are not. The heart of the universe is still perfect love.

(The Sacred Romance , 81–82)

Habit 1, Anyone?

The past few days have been wonderful. My family arrived Wednesday and last night we ate dinner at the Cheesecake Factory together. They have been very understanding of the switch to vegetarianism. Despite lots of fun events, I have been struggling with my positive attitude a bit this week. I feel tired and busy. I can easily name people who are much busier than I am, but comparing myself to the accomplishments of others will only make me feel like a failure. I seem to be in that difficult space where the number of things to do looms over my head and keeps me up at night, but I still insist on procrastinating. I think that this is a knee-jerk response to feeling out of control. Give me too much to do and make me feel like I have no choice and you're sure to make me feel down! This is the perfect place to insert a Habit 1 reflection.
Being proactive, I will now apply the proper proactive language to the scheduling events that seem to be getting me down.
The truth is, I chose to take an internship this semester. I chose to rush Phi Mu and participate in events. I chose to be on Sisterhood Development Committee and I chose to spend time with my family on Wednesday instead of read or do Ethics Bowl homework. I chose to participate in the Ethics Bowl. I chose to procrastinate in buying my Mom's birthday present until Tuesday afternoon.
Therefore, I am in control, after all. I cannot - and should not - waste time feeling low. I have a wonderful life!

Goals/Weekly Events

I made a list of semester goals this week. Here is what I have so far, and the musings that went along with them:
1. Make a 3.5 or higher GPA.
2. Save at least $300.
3. Bake sugar cookies for classes - Marketing, LEAD, Building Stakeholder Relations
4. Tithe on every penny I earn/am given.
5. Finish reading Mere Christianity.
6. Finish knitting that second mitten.
7. Finish every book assigned in LEAD.
8. Go to/gain 4 convo points.
9. Read the Bible daily, pray daily.

In other news, I bought a new fishtank for Purl. He's quite happy, though still in a bit of shock. I do not think that he likes the new "bowl" atmosphere, yet. It is obvious, now, that there is plenty of room for a second fish in there. A buddy would do him good, since Knit died early last fall. I will add that to my To Do list.

Veggie/veganism is going well, though I discovered last night that Arby's is not a vegetarian-friendly fast-food joint. I had my first french-fry dinner, which becomes a regular event for many vegans. After much research, I will be eating eggs. There are no health problems solidly linked to consuming eggs, so back into the diet they go! Yay! I love eggs.

Also, the parents finally told our extended family about the condo purchase. This was put off for a long while, mostly due to the recession and some of the financial difficulties that members of our family have faced, and it would be inconsiderate to tell a person who is hurting financially that you have finances enough to invest in property. Regardless, after a lot of talking/praying about it, my Dad finally posted pictures of the condo online and my aunts/uncles are fully informed. My parents are also in town this week. The bed for the master bedroom was delivered yesterday and, finally, they have a place to sleep. Robert (little bro) will still be sleeping on a mattress on the floor, but he's young and can handle it.